Trashtacular

Carjackers is a haphazard amalgam that could generously be described as cinematic confusion. Streaming on platforms that likely won’t dare claim it as an exclusive, the film tells the story of Nora and her motley crew of valets and bartenders who moonlight as thieves, hitting up unsuspecting wealthy patrons. As if this dual life wasn’t complicated enough, they decide to pull off their biggest heist yet, all while being hunted down by a hitman hired by their own hotel’s director. The premise is tantalizing enough to spark interest, but strap in because this ride is heading straight into the pit of mediocrity.

As a professional assassin's retirement goes south thanks to an injured young woman, I walked into this film with trepidation, hoping to see a riveting tale unfold. What I received instead felt like a poorly executed school project, showcasing huge gaps in the storyline and timelines so inconsistent they rival the plot twists in a daytime soap opera.

So, I thought I’d check out "Cash Out," and wow, what a delightful surprise—if by "delightful surprise," I’m referring to yet another uninspired and completely unoriginal action film.

If there were a movie iceberg, this film would be the tip of a navigational hazard, barely visible above the surface while the bulk lurks deep below—filled with clichés, awkward dialogue, and action that makes you question if the director thought it was possible to film a spy movie without any visible budget. But hey, at least Kate Beckinsale got a chance to polish her "I'm a badass" aesthetic, right?

Let’s not beat around the bush: "Classified" is an absolute abomination of a film. If I could give it a negative rating, I would. It’s as if three separate atrocities were flung together, masquerading as a coherent movie.