Trashtacular

Popeye's Revenge, the cinematic event of 2025 that nobody asked for but apparently someone thought we needed. This British slasher horror debut, directed by William Stead and written by Harry Boxley—who, let’s be honest, seemed to have one foot in the cereal aisle while brainstorming—takes the beloved spinach-loving sailor and drags him into a realm far more grotesque than the one fans of E.C. Segar could ever imagine. What promises to be a dark transformation of the iconic character ends up traversing dangerous waters, rarely surfacing from the murky depths of absurdity.

Night of Horror (1981)—the cinematic equivalent of finding out your favorite ice cream has been replaced with broccoli-flavored sorbet. After I ranted on Discord about how Armor was the worst film of 2024, a mod challenged me to watch this so-bad-it's-comical flick, insisting it would make Armor look like an Oscar contender.