Trashtacular

This movie is shit shit shit. Yes, you heard that right—three times for emphasis, just like the movie's incessantly annoying soundtrack that drowns out any semblance of narrative or character development. The Hard Hit, or as I hilariously prefer to call it, The Hard Shit, is a cinematic experience that promises so much with its stellar Rotten Tomatoes 5-star reviews, likely written by the director himself in a fit of self-delusion. Trust me, don't be fooled by the star rating; it's about as authentic as the movie's dialogue, which is akin to a bad high school play.

Hellhound, a film that somehow pulls off the rare feat of being slightly better than the Nicolas Cage debacle known as Bangkok Dangerous, is a cinematic experience you might want to forget — yet one that inspires such curiosity that you can't help but wonder if you’re watching a parody of the hitman genre. This thriller revolves around Loreno, a hitman looking for a way out after tackling what he describes as his “last job.” Spoiler alert: his “last job” turns out to be just as cliché as the title suggests, featuring a mind-numbingly predictable plot that, unfortunately, falls flat of anything original.

In the grimy, rain-soaked underbelly of London, where hope goes to die a slow death, we find "Harry Brown" (2009), a film that promises a gritty, no-holds-barred exploration of vigilantism and despair. With Michael Caine donning the mantle of our titular anti-hero, one might be forgiven for expecting a thrilling ride through the mean streets, à la "Batman" meets "Death Wish." Alas, the reality is as disappointing as finding out your favorite superhero is secretly a vegan.