Trashtacular

G20, directed by Patricia Riggen and made available on Amazon Prime Video, attempts to weave an action-thriller narrative around a G20 summit in South Africa. Featuring Viola Davis as President Danielle Sutton, the film sought to engage viewers with themes of political tension, global economics, and the intersections of leadership under threat. I approached the film with anticipation, fueled by my admiration for Davis from her roles in How to Get Away with Murder and The Woman King. Unfortunately, as the credits rolled, I found myself grappling with profound disappointment as G20 tumbled into absurdity, failing to deliver on its ambitious premise.

Love Hurts is intended to be a romantic action-comedy that whisks viewers away on a thrilling ride sprinkled with heartwarming moments. Unfortunately, it delivers more cringes than it does charm. Directed by Jonathan Eusebio, the film tries to find the gleeful intersection of love and mayhem, yet ends up as an unwelcome appliance left out in the cold, constantly reminding you of how much you despise its very existence. With an optional course on unoriginal storytelling, bland acting, and a perplexing absence of chemistry, you might be left scratching your head and questioning whether this was all just a punchline.

In the Lost Lands is the latest endeavor from Paul W.S. Anderson, a film that might just leave you questioning whether you accidentally wandered into a multi-franchise mashup gone wrong. This epic dark fantasy features the talents of Milla Jovovich and Dave Bautista. One could say it’s a thrilling adventure, but only if your definition of ‘thrilling’ includes cramming Van Helsing, Mad Max, and a handful of other unrelated properties into a blender and hitting purée. What we’re left with is a cinematic concoction that raises the age-old question: Was anyone in the room when all these creative decisions were made?

The release of Cleaner, a British action thriller directed by Martin Campbell, is a compelling reminder of why we should be wary of cinema that showcases an all-star cast splashed across a muddled plot. Marketed as a high-octane, edge-of-your-seat adventure, this film often feels more like a laboriously constructed thesis on how to squander a riveting premise. With Daisy Ridley in the lead role as Joanna "Joey" Locke, a former soldier turned window cleaner—who takes her autistic brother to her workplace amidst a hostage situation—you can almost hear the collective groan of the audience when they realize their cinematic experience is about to take a nosedive.

This movie is shit shit shit. Yes, you heard that right—three times for emphasis, just like the movie's incessantly annoying soundtrack that drowns out any semblance of narrative or character development. The Hard Hit, or as I hilariously prefer to call it, The Hard Shit, is a cinematic experience that promises so much with its stellar Rotten Tomatoes 5-star reviews, likely written by the director himself in a fit of self-delusion. Trust me, don't be fooled by the star rating; it's about as authentic as the movie's dialogue, which is akin to a bad high school play.

Hellhound, a film that somehow pulls off the rare feat of being slightly better than the Nicolas Cage debacle known as Bangkok Dangerous, is a cinematic experience you might want to forget — yet one that inspires such curiosity that you can't help but wonder if you’re watching a parody of the hitman genre. This thriller revolves around Loreno, a hitman looking for a way out after tackling what he describes as his “last job.” Spoiler alert: his “last job” turns out to be just as cliché as the title suggests, featuring a mind-numbingly predictable plot that, unfortunately, falls flat of anything original.