Movies

Some films fail, but do so innocuously. Others fail with more urgency—they mishandle material so important, so inflammable, that their mediocrity becomes a kind of insult. The Vigilante is that sort of film: a chintzy, slapdash action-thriller whose wobbly attempts at blockbuster ferocity trivialize the monstrous reality of child trafficking. There’s no deeper disappointment at the movies than when righteous indignation is reduced to bad lighting, tepid performances, and the hollow rattle of fake gunfire.

With “Violent Cop,” Takeshi Kitano enters Japanese cinema not as a guest but as a one-man demolition squad—a laconic, poker-faced wrecker in a world so morally bankrupt that the cockroaches are considering an exodus. This is neo-noir at its most parched and asphyxiating, the kind of hard-boiled procedural that makes the whole notion of “procedure” look like a quaint bedtime story for children who still believe their parents will keep them safe. Kitano, directing himself with the offhand nihilism of a man who’s read too much Dostoevsky and refuses to be impressed, lets the camera sit and stare, as if daring us to look away first.

Let’s be honest: “The Vault” wants to be your next favorite heist movie, but it can’t even manage to lift your pulse. Directed by Jaume Balagueró, this Spanish exercise in genre mimicry gathers up all the usual suspects—plucky prodigy, world-weary ringleader, hacker-by-numbers—and puts them through a series of motions so familiar, you could swear you’ve wandered into a bank robbery rehearsal dinner.

This is supposed to be the season of goodwill, eggnog, and the kind of joy you’re only ever forced to feel in December. But what do we actually get? Sleigh bells drowned out by sirens, cinnamon-scented pandemonium—yes, Virginia, it’s time for movies that crank the holiday insanity to eleven. If Christmas is a circus, why settle for gentle elephants when you could have rabid reindeer? My Christmas list, this year, is for those who like their tinsel twisted: Gremlins, Violent Night, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and, yes, Terrifier 3. Fasten your seatbelt with a candy cane.