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The poor bastard is stuck in Albuquerque, staring at highway billboards for cheap personal injury lawyers, and he ends up hiring Will Forte in a rumpled suit. Forte plays Kevin Avery, an ambulance chaser who looks and acts so much like Bob Odenkirk's slippery legal hustler that you spend half the picture waiting for the real deal to walk through the door. If Odenkirk had taken the gig, we might've had a riot on our hands. Instead, we're stuck watching a pale counterfeit struggle through legal briefs. I bought into the hype. The internet spent three years screaming about this picture like it was the lost holy grail of American animation, locked away in a corporate vault for tax write-offs until righteous outrage set it free. High scores plastered every corner of the web. So I settled into my chair, dialed up the volume, and prepared for a rollicking collision between classic Looney Tunes anarchy and courtroom satire. Two hours later, I wanted my afternoon back. The premise borrows heavily from *Who Framed Roger Rabbit*, which is fine as far as thievery goes. Bob Hoskins made that conceit sing because Robert Zemeckis understood the ironclad rules of cartoon physics. A cartoon character interacting with the real world only works if the comedy moves with razor-sharp speed. *Coyote vs. Acme* has a funny first twenty minutes, kicks off with a couple of solid sight gags, and then parks itself on a courtroom bench to die. Consider what happens to silent comedy when you drag it into a live-action procedural. Wile E. Coyote is one of the supreme achievements of animation because Chuck Jones built him around stubborn, tragic pantomime. He doesn't talk. He buys rocket skates from a mail-order catalog, lights the fuse, and plummets off a mesa while staring directly into the camera with cosmic resignation. There are brief flickers of that magic here. The opening chase delivers some old-fashioned slapstick, and a recurring gag with a cardboard box that holds far more junk than physics allows earned a real belly laugh out of me. Then the movie moves to the big city, and the whole contraption runs out of gas. Notice how the script handles the Coyote once he gets inside a law office. Multiple times throughout this thing, Wile E. holds complete conversations with human beings by flashing printed signs. That's a fundamental misunderstanding of the character. A sign is for an exclamation point right before a two-ton boulder lands on your skull (like "Yikes!" or "In accord with the law of gravity"). It isn't meant for tedious dialogue exchanges about corporate liability and discovery motions. It turns physical genius into a silent PowerPoint presentation. Did anyone check to see if the script had any actual jokes after the first act? The plot gets hopelessly bogged down in a dreary whistleblower conspiracy called "Project Sisyphus." We get cameos from Daffy Duck in an asylum, Bugs Bunny dropping manila envelopes in shadowy alleys, and Foghorn Leghorn puffing cigars as a corrupt corporate CEO. They feel like obligatory corporate mascots dragged out of storage to wave at the camera. Road Runner shows up to make a couple of beeps, but the spark is completely missing. It's just noise. The human cast fares even worse. John Cena shows up as Acme's smug corporate defense lawyer, and he is flat-out dreadful. Cena can be a terrific comic performer when he's allowed to play earnest muscleheads, but here he's saddled with a thankless, smug corporate suit that gives him zero room to breathe. Lana Condor plays the eager young legal intern, and Luis Guzmán sits on the judge's bench looking like he'd rather be anywhere else on God's green earth. You can feel the actors staring into empty green space, waiting for digital animators to fill in the blanks months after wrap. 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